As if I ever was before
I took a look at all the signs
They're rolling over in my mind
The feelings I could not release
Became a bitter part of me
What was I thinking of?
I couldn't stand the way it was
Looked at my reflection
And I saw a stranger's face
I saw where I was going
And I had to walk away
I see that lately folks have been of the mind that the negative energy is far too prevalent here in Osiris, so I’m going to try to keep this as positive as I can.
I’m done here, politically.
I came into this seat during one of my patented short bursts of hyperactivity in NationStates, hoping but at the same time not expecting that this time I could keep it up for the long term. I hate to say it, because it has a lot of terrible implications about the rest of my life, but I in fact could not keep it up. I ran out of steam within the first month.
The fact of the matter is that Osiris demands from its Pharaoh a certain list of qualities that, given my position in the world right now, I could not (and would not) provide. This isn’t the fault of any citizen in particular, but merely the way our region operates on a basic level. The region requires someone who is always there to provide the answers to questions that were never asked, someone who creates the ideas and activity for the rest of us to follow. I tried to promote a system of relative autonomy within the region, while acting as an overseer figure to give my approval or denial, support or opposition. Unfortunately, that really just meant that everyone just ended up waiting for someone else to make something happen. This was okay when the likes of Impossible Girl were around to bring about such activity, but once she was gone then everything went quiet again.
Think of Osiris like a nightclub, if you’ve ever been to one before. There are always a bunch of people having fun and talking it up with everyone, and there’s an even larger group that lean on the walls waiting for something to happen, for the "fun" to magically arrive at their feet. When this balance in energy is tipped too far in favor of those who wait, you get Osiris. This by itself wouldn’t be a huge issue, except for the fact that in the nightclub of Osiris...I, the Pharaoh, have to be the entire party. And I simply was not equipped for that. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person for all of you these past few months.
I look around at NationStates and all I see is pointlessness. We, the players, have created this virtual world, we have given these regions constructed importance and give our hard earned time and energy to see them thrive. It’s truly fascinating from an anthropological standpoint, but when I see the extremes that we go to for these fake governments...it honestly baffles me. I see no point in it anymore. The reward for the amount of work and worry put into NationStates is not worth it from ANY position in this game, let alone that of a GCR delegate. I am not saying that I look down upon any of us that continue to play, I just can’t handle it anymore.
To those of you who have made these past few months easier for me and the region, I thank you so much. Jakker, you were a fine Vizier and an even better Scribe of Media, it was great to see our publications churn out again. Severisen, you kept this place secure and helped me run this ship. Festavo, your enthusiasm for the Legion was exactly what it needed and I hope that if you win this election you can bring that same enthusiasm to the big office. Impossible Girl, wherever you are, I thank you for bringing us our most active day in history and genuine fun for the little while you spent here.
I am not retiring permanently, nobody ever does. But for right now, being where I am in my life right now, I have other things to focus my energy on that are far more rewarding than the approval of maybe a dozen people on this small corner of the Internet. I will remain the root administrator and channel founder of our forum and IRC channel respectively, but beyond that you shouldn’t expect me to exude ANY effort around here for a while. I made a promise to keep this region safe until the end of my term no matter how miserable I became, and I kept my word. To whoever wins this election, you should be making the same promise, or you’ll never be good enough for Osiris. Neither of you have ever been in a GCR delegate’s seat before, but you’ve heard my warnings and decided to go for it anyway. Don’t pussy out, don’t sell this region out, and keep your agendas in plain view, or you’ll be eaten alive here. As you damn well should.
With Malice in my heart, I shall depart.
I'm not a cool guy anymore
Left it behind and closed the door
I know you can't escape the past
Now I look back and have to laugh
I was my worst enemy
It almost got the best of me
What was I thinking of?
I couldn't stand the way it was
I looked up one day and saw that
It was up to me
You can only be a victim if you
Admit defeat
