JESUS WHALE APPOINTS CARLY FIORINA AS VICE DELEGATE
In a move described by many as "desperate", Almighty Jesus Whale has appointed former Hewlett-Packard CEO and California Senatorial candidate Carly Fiorina to serve in his administration as Vice Delegate. After losing the delegate contest to Cormac, Mr. Whale and his campaign team have sought to redefine the media narrative. Last week, Whale was seen eating his own booger in a live television debate against Cormac. This week, he seeks to continue his campaign success by appointing a failed CEO of a failing company to a position he has no practical control over whatsoever.
Whale, seen here, with a booger on his top right lip.
Our very own Sean Hannity was unable to reach Whale or Fiorina, but Cormac and his wife Biyah agreed to sit down with Sean for a HANNITY EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!:
HANNITY: Mr Cormac, good to have you. What do you make of Almighty Jesus Whale's Vice Delegate pick, Carly Fiorina?
CORMAC: Look Sean, we have to make Osiris great again. We're losing jobs to Balder, to Lazarus, everywhere. Fenda scum continue to pour across our border. We'll build a wall, and we'll make the Rejected Realms pay for it. Carly -- we'll call her Crazy Carly -- is part of the same corrupt system! She relocated thousands of Hewlett Packard jobs to Lazarus and has been importing HP laptops back into Osiris tax free! We can't have it. We just can't have it.
HANNITY: WOW, simply amazing. Biyah, last week Almighty Jesus Whale pornspammed the Osiris forum* with pictures of your recent nude photoshoot with GQ magazine. Do you care to comment?
*EDITOR'S NOTE: AJW didn't actually pornspam the Osiris forum
BIYAH: I would like to point out that I have larger boobs than AJW's wife, Heidi Whale.
CORMAC: LOL Heidi Whale is so ugly! Check it out, seriously!
CORMAC: And as for Carly Fiorina, who would vote for that face? As for me, you know, it doesn’t really matter what the media write about me as long as I've got a young and beautiful piece of ass like Biyah.
BIYAH: Such a sweety
HANNITY: Hot wife or not, I'll continue to slob your knob on my prime time Fox News program on a nightly basis.
CORMAC: Thanks Sean.
HANNITY: Thanks for joining us tonight, Corm and Biyah. Up next, is the FBI about to disclose new evidence proving that North East Somerset had prior knowledge of the terrorist attacks against the Balderian embassy in BENGHAZI?!
