Pyramid Contest Submission: Oceankiller Base
Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:51 pm
Let's be real - we have a ton of traditional pyramids all around the place! So, they won't see this one coming...
Now, hear me out: we need to put every single one of our assets into a single GIANT, SUPER-WEAPON! I've seen it happen a lot in movies, so I know what I'm talking about when I say that this usually works out. AND it looks badass!
Onto my pitch:
We can start by disassembling the pyramid and then shoving all of our expensive and slightly vulnerable equipment inside; I know what you're saying, how are we meant to rebuild a pyramid?! Building pyramids is impossible! Well - just here me out. We'll have WAY less of the pyramid to re-build than anyone prior. That's because we're going to shove a massive, extremely radioactive REACTOR CORE smack-bang in the centre! We're also going to have to have a control room with cool beeping sounds, a SUPERLAZER room, and a throne room for Pharoah Alti to view the big ol' blamos in all their glory!
Reactor Core: The first room I'm going to detail, and certainly the largest, will be the giant nuclear reactor powering this monstrous BEAST. We're going to need the biggest reactor ever, and it's probably going to have to be burried all the way down to the core of the planet. Trust me: this is a good idea.
Control Room: Not particularly necessary to have so many flashing lights, but I know that personally I have a lot of unemployed people in my region and this is going to be a great way to get them killed off harder than Tarkin find them stable, long-term employment. Plus, if we ever make a making-of documentary and it turns out to really suck, having some monitors and tables filled with flashing lights and projections will make for a great opportunity to get the audience to excuse some voice-over dialogue that can move the plot along and save an otherwise terrible production. Think of the beeps and boops!
Superlazer Room: Entirely unnecessary, but what's the point of having so much labour if some don't die from time to time even after we finish construction! Slap on some yellow vests and stand out in front of the big ol' superlazer while it fires the last few 'necessary' buttons and pull some levers that make a cool, slow, powering-up 'whoop' sound effect. Sure, this exposure will kill anyone standing to the side of the big beam: BUT, it sure will look cool for the throne room and any other observation ports.
Throne Room: Listen, what's even the point of HAVING a superweapon if you don't have a cool, slightly scary, room to watch the destruction unhold - fitted with its own custom spinning-chair - isolated from any other practical appliance so as to force the hand-picked security i.e. Guardians to bring the Pharoah anything they want whenever they need it. I'm sure Pharoah Alti will absolutely adore this design (unless timezones and busy IRL schedules clash with her getting her demands in a timely manner, but, in that case, just appoint more guardians - duh)! This will allow us to ominously show all of our subversives that indeed it was THEY who were walking into a trap!
Now with all this said, and essentially in the works as soon as you vote correctly, who is the target you probably may not need to ask? The New Pacific Order of course! We'll aim it straight down range at their ocean, or even arc the shot if we have to, and take 'em down! I get the concern -- there may be some casualties from a friendly armada entering the waters -- but that's the price we MUST pay to look cool. We're a game-created region after all for crying out loud! Let's make a scene!!!
And you know what, if all else fails?
We ram the Pacific.
NPO DELENDA EST!