Spending the Day with Arda en Estel's Imp Insurgency
Young imps are flocking to the newly formed Imp Republican Army (IRA) and an uncertain future.
By Vaclav Vinograd | Friday, December 2nd, 2016 | VV Magazine
In the foothills of West Arda en Estel, a battalion of the newly formed Imp Republican Army (IRA), is gathering for a training exercise, and has permitted VV Magazine to come along.
The IRA exists in a legal grey zone in Arda en Estel, as murder is generally frowned upon but not illegal. This is partly due to the complexity of governing murder in a region with a considerable number of undead citizens.
The IRA has been responsible for a number of increasingly destructive attacks on Estelian infrastructure. Last week, the IRA claimed responsibility for an arson attack on Tall Order, a clothing store that caters to tall men. Most infamously, the IRA attacked a Legion of Estelian Armed Forces (LEAF) transport truck, which would have killed everyone on board, were it not for the fact they were all wizards and quickly teleported themselves to safety.
The IRA formed in response to the increase of anti-imp attacks in the region. The anti-imp group, Occupy Impishness (OI), has conducted a number of vigilante attacks on imps in the last month.
"Being an imp is a choice. It's a totally unhealthy lifestyle. Imps live shorter lives on account of their physical bodies," said the 500-pound leader of OI, Phil "Lardo" Dunfries.
While these attacks have been roundly condemned, the IRA still believes that imps must arm themselves in self-defence.
"They hate us, they want to hurt us and we need to stand together or die alone," said one IRA soldier, who asked not to be identified.
The IRA has encountered its share of criticism. Nearly one month ago, an IRA bomb went off, destroying a chocolate factory and killing every oompa-loompa in it.
"Oompa-loompas aren't real imps, they're collaborators and must be punished accordingly", said IRA commander Gianno "Lil Lecher" DeVries.
In Little Littley, a small imp-majority enclave in Estelian capital, IRA murals have sprung up.
At a recent Arda en Estel Premier League match in New Harbor, away fans of the Asdrae Steamers, hailing from the majority imp country of Eisandre, offered a pro-IRA chant towards the home Thunderbirds.
"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh Asdrae Steamers IRA oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh", the fans chanted at the 53rd minute of gameplay.
The IRA's cause has been strengthened by the election of two Senators – Vaclav Vinograd and Akillian Talleyrand - in the recent major election, who are widely considered anti-imp.
Talleyrand is the leader of the growing anti-imp faction of Arda's dominant After Party.
During the election campaign, Talleyrand blamed the recent Zetaboards crash on the imp community and added if re-elected, "I will finally be proposing an Imp Registration and Control Act and we'll make sure this dangerous section of the population is finally stopped."
Vinograd, speaking to supporters after his victory, was heard saying, "we're going to make Arda tall again, that I can tell you, that I can tell you."
Vinograd, shortly after the election, announced he was leaving the After Party to form a new party, the Rebel Alliance, committed to, among other things, a radical anti-imp agenda.
Any anti-imp efforts from Vinograd and Talleyrand will assuredly meet with opposition from Senators like the After Party's pro-imp faction leader, Sacul Astoria, himself a prominent imp.
"Although I find their ideas on imps to be prejudicial, offensive and completely speciesist, I hope that we will be able overcome our differences for the sake of the region, and work together as responsible politicians to write excellent legislation for Arda en' Estel." said Astoria to VV Magazine, "However, I will continue to oppose them every step of the way when it comes to their backwards ideas on imps."
Back with the IRA, the arrival of a convoy of LEAF soldiers spells trouble. The IRA brigade we were accompanying, the 2nd Northwestern IRA Brigade, goes quiet and slinks into the bush, as LEAF soldiers patrol.
The LEAF soldiers quickly move on, sparing the IRA a possible gunfight. It's clear that the poorly organized IRA is outgunned by the professional and well-funded LEAF.
Later, when asked if he would ever accept a ceasefire deal, Devries, the IRA commander, said this, "there will never be peace in Arda until the imps are protected and given their own land and rights."
For the next while, it seems, Arda faces the prospect of imp insurgency.
